My little story:
In the intricate tapestry of my life at 26, I often find myself suspended between the echoes of an 18-year-old's dreams and the weighty burdens of a soul that felt 30 long before its time. The journey has been anything but linear, a tumultuous dance with extreme lows and unexpected highs that have sculpted me into the person I am today.
The chapters of my story unfurled early, set against the harsh backdrop of middle school where I found myself engulfed in relentless bullying. The emotional toll of those years left me feeling like the walls were closing in, a feeling that intensified as I progressed into the 10th grade. Coping mechanisms became my lifeline, and I stumbled into a dark abyss of self-harm, cigarette addiction, and substance abuse. Yet, within this darkness, after transferring to an alternative high school, a flicker of light emerged—an unexpected yoga class.
Yoga, initially seen as merely a credit towards my diploma, I was shocked it was offered as a class in high school, I thought by taking the class it would be an easy way to get a credit rather than taking a class needing me to put in "work". Well, this yoga class had transformed into a sanctuary, a source of self-healing, self-awareness, and genuine happiness. I will tell you, I definitely needed to put in work, but it was different. It was work for my benefit, mentally and physically. I took the same class for the next 3 years. Graduating high school, I harbored dreams of becoming a holistic nutritionist, yoga had led me to love to learn about health and wellness, it ignited another passion in me I didn't know was there. I had a plan to start at a private college to get a certification to become a holistic nutritionist and shortly after I would proceed with getting my certification to become a yoga teacher. However, the path I envisioned was soon overshadowed by the demands of adult life.
I was a café manager during this time with a gruelling schedule, the passion I once held for holistic wellness faded. I attended my college for half a year until dropping out and blaming external circumstances for internal struggles, I fell back into bad patterns and I reached a breaking point. I ended up leaving my job, it wasn't worth it. During the time of being unemployed I found a program that would help me find a more suitable job for myself and I wanted to rediscover the dreams I had abandoned. I had found a promising job at a yoga studio, an opportunity to immerse myself in the world I longed to be a part of. I was excited and ready. I still hadn't gotten my yoga teacher's certificate and this was going to motivate me to focus on doing that.
However, fate had a different plan. The emergence of the COVID-19 pandemic shuttered the studio's doors, leaving me grappling with a newfound uncertainty. The subsequent months saw me succumbing to the pressures of the global crisis, resorting to daily rituals of numbing the pain through alcohol and incessant social media scrolling. Yet, within the chaos, an unexpected opportunity for change presented itself.
I made the decision to escape the fast-paced city, finding solace in a small town. Living with my best friend that is also the love of my life, I embraced the opportunity to work part-time and embark on a journey of self-awareness. It may not be the trajectory I envisioned, but it marks a starting point—a place to rediscover the fragments of myself that were lost along the way. Each day is a struggle, and the future remains uncertain, but I am learning to embrace the unpredictability of life's journey. The decision to share my story online stems from the belief that many others, like me, have faced or are facing similar struggles. In a world filled with highs and lows, unexpected twists, and moments of profound confusion, my message is simple—every hardship holds invaluable lessons. Healing is not linear.
The journey may lead us to stumble and find ourselves trapped again, but armed with newfound tools, we can always find our way out. Love yourself, be gentle, and acknowledge the strength it takes to navigate this extraordinary journey called life. Through vulnerability and shared experiences, we can find solace and understanding in the collective tapestry of human existence.
Here's to wherever life brings us and the excitement and openness we hold to experience it all. Fully.
Always, love & light
Sare xx
コメント